O Almighty Dollar,
I beg Thee hear my prayer!
I yearn to be Thy servant,
Spread Thy gospel everywhere.
I’ll exploit my fellow man,
My brother and my friend.
I’ll use him and abuse him;
He’s but a means to an end.
I’ll sacrifice his blood to slake Thy thirst,
For that Thou dost require.
Down he’ll sink into the grave,
While I rise ever higher!
O Almighty Dollar,
I pray Thee bless me now
For I submit myself to Thee
And on my knee I bow.
Fill my wallet full of green,
Give me profits through the roof;
Give me ever prosperous stocks
And a full portfolio to boot!
What must I do to earn these things?
How can I make them mine?
I’ll work a man eight days a week
If Thou but hear my cry!
O Almighty Dollar,
“The fittest shall survive.”
Thy Word standeth ever true,
Till the end of time.
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done;
Destroy Thy lazy foes.
May Thine eternal throne be built
Upon their glistening bones!
If one must die for the good
Of the Company,
Just line my pockets with some cash,
And I’ll follow Thee.
O Almighty Dollar,
Just one last thing I beg:
I want to be remembered for all time
When I end my days.
Just name some building after me
(One will be enough)
And call me a “philanthropist”
In all the books and stuff.
Meanwhile I’ll make sure to try my best
To jockey for position;
I’ll lie, I’ll cheat, I’ll steal and kill…
And call it “competition.”
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